Monday, April 6, 2009

Over It

Amid all the negativity I've found myself swimming in lately, I decided to accept my friend's invitation to meet with his psychic-therapist. Though things have gotten better these past few days, the glimmer of happiness and hope shined a little brighter today.

Last night, I found myself exhausted from all the depression that I decided to start taking on a new paradigm.I got up from my bed (the cocoon I've long languished in), stood up, looked at myself in the mirror, and began singing a happy tune.

Today, after seeing the card reader, I couldn't help but feel much lighter than before. Buoyed with a new sense of self, I walked around the mall with a lighter stride, excited to settle down and write in my journal.

On a dusty, lop-sided table, beside the chaos of the adjacent streets, a full cup of coffee across me, and my trusty ipod playing, here are several musings for today (direct from the pages of my journal; with a little tweaking, of course):

"I guess it all boils down to my having a conversation with a stranger. Without the filters of familiarity and consequent judgement (brought about by well-meaning friends), I felt freer sharing myself; saw my reflection clearer, and felt the tempest within me ebb."

"Similar to the card reading I've had in the past (with another psychic), I was told of my greatness, power, and fiery aura. But this time I was made aware that not only is my fire innate, having the ability to create and make a difference, I also had the power to destroy. And for the past months, I have taken on the destruction of my own self with fantasies of ineptitude and desperation (what can I say, it's the drama queen in me)."

"I got present to my recent despondent feelings, in search of some messiah to whisk me away into a brand new life. And I realized how it was all a futile attempt at not taking responsibility, feeding the childish in me to whine and pine. The card reader urged me that since I was more of a 'fire element', that it was never in my personality to be saved. Apparently, though I may have seemingly reached my weakest point, my kind remain strong and powerful."

"Truth be told, beyond all my bitching and negative musings, I remain optimistic and aware that only I can take myself out from all this. I may have made bed, yes, but I can choose another or even make a new one to lie on. And my recent disappointments whenever I seek refuge in a friend's company (constantly left wanting for solutions or a sympathetic ear) all seemed a petty excuse to point the blame elsewhere."

In deference to a particular friend generous enough to take a look at my blog, I'll cut this short for now; and continue in another entry. I wouldn't want to vex any eyes with too many words (teehee!).

5 comments:

Eternal Wanderer... said...

WAHAHAHAHHAHA

vex kung vex talaga!

and i resent that. i am not judgemental, you whiney bitch.

ermm.

i was being judgemental, wasn't i?

lolz

pkf said...

kudos :) i'm happy for your realizations and happy you've finally decided to be "over it".

keep at it! keeping making those conscious decisions to be happy till it becomes almost 2nd nature.

that's what we're all here for anyway - support! all of us fight our own demons anyway so why not together diba? jusko.. overdose of girl power much? but yes.. support! whether its that ear, that kick in the butt.. or in eternal wander's case.. that pair of judgemental vexing eyes. hahaha

enilejna said...

Yay! I love it when you update. :) Waving my pompoms (blue and yellow of course) (Swedish national colors, in case malabo) for you here in my precious apple-and-cinnamon scented room.

And hey I want to visit this psychic-therapist too!

Eternal Wanderer... said...

pkf: hey, i resent that, too!

vexing eyes - no.

tantalizing yes - yes.

WAHAHAHAHAHA

Eternal Wanderer... said...

*eyes