After aimlessly surfing channels on the telly, narrowing my eyes from the glares of random flashy images, I finally had the courage to turn the thing off. I worry not only that it has taken much of my time, affording me even more sloth and inactivity, but that the circles under my eyes have begun to darken and quiver from all the stress.
An empty plate sits beside me. The metallic scent of canned tuna I had minutes ago wafts up my nose as I examine the dried up remnants of the tomato sauce it swam in splattered on the plate. I remember how almost crimson it was earlier, how it offered me the promise of a delicious and nutritious meal, but now a decrepit orange crusts on the porcelain. The lingering odor has become rancid and annoying. A pang of discontentment and regret, as acrid as an impending attack of heartburn, settles.
This is how it is. I, with all my optimism and the best of intentions in tow, eventually end up with gnawing regret, doubt and dissatisfaction. I am well aware that the answers to whatever it is that troubles me lies so close and obvious, and that only I can take on a solution. However, isn’t it that whenever things are nearer, our sight of them falls even shorter? It is our great expectations, our dreams of grandeur, our pining for what things should be that catapult us to an expansive panorama of possibility. Yet why do we feed ourselves when the experience more often than not is overwhelming, exhausting and ultimately, disenchanting? Is it hope? Wanderlust? Wishful thinking?